Remembering Yaamyn

They killed my friend. They stabbed at him and slashed at him till he lay in the stairwell of his home, bleeding to death.

I have been struggling to find words. I have been wanting to tell people who he was to me, because some people have been painting him in a bad light. I'll tell you right now, He was just like you. He was just like me.

He was a guy, figuring out life, like the rest of us, but he always stood by his principles. He pointed out hypocrisy. He wrote satire, he fixed peoples tech problems, He was human, but because he had a voice, they wanted him gone. So they killed him. There are people who will remember the man who stood for the rights of others, and they should. He was a great person. As for me, more than anything, I'll miss my friend.

I was stuck at a very awkward social event that I was obligated to attend. There were very few people I knew there, and those who I did know couldn't be bothered with my problems or my very obvious anxiety. Yaamyn came with Moyameehaa, and they both had a quick bite to eat and took me away from that place to a coffee, where we spent a couple of hours just talking and laughing. They're both gone now. Moyameehaa was abducted from near his house, never to be seen again, and Yaamyn, killed in his home. I thanked them for saving me that night. They just brushed it off like it was nothing, I told them I'd do the same for them when the time came, and we had a gentlemen's agreement that I'd come save them from an awkward social situation, no questions asked. I never got to repay that debt.

Yaamyn was threatened every now and then, which he'd report, I don't think anything was investigated or whatever, because the cops probably had more important things to do, people to intimidate, bribes to be had, you know the deal. I would volunteer to drop him home if we hang out. We both walked, so we killed the time by conversing. I had so much fun talking to him on the way home. We'd be dodging traffic and parked vehicles and shimmying around pedestrians while talking about movies, music and art and books. One thing we both had in common is that he doesn't like small talk as well. We never made small talk. Small talk was for very distant cousins or friend of an acquaintance. I introduced him to new music, he told me about books I should read. He told me of new and exciting tech which I barely understood. I told him of some really good movies I thought he'd enjoy.

Once he was telling me and a bunch of friends about one of his favorite cafe's. "It's such a great cafe'! I go there all the time. I mean, if you go there you'll come out smelling like an ash tray, and it's kind of loud, and I got food poisoning there, but only twice.", this was basically what he said, and I was in stitches at the worst sales pitch I've ever heard. I told him I'd turn that bit into a sketch someday, but I'm not sure anymore.

One night he came and watched Maldivian Idol with us, and did not enjoy it at all, but we still managed to have a lot of laughs. I don't enjoy the program, I just watch to make fun of the thing and yell at the TV. Yaamyn doesn't yell at anything. He's soft spoken.

I have many memories of him. I will not share them all, because I want to keep some for myself. He lived a good life, he was kind to others and he touched a lot of people's lives and made a positive impact on a lot of them. Yet there are people who celebrate his death. These people are the lowest of scum. I don't care what they think they are, but they're the future residents of hell.

They killed my friend thinking they could silence him and in turn silence anyone who thinks they can raise their voices against tyranny. They are wrong. I refuse to be silent. I will use the one thing they're most afraid of. I'll use my voice. For Yaamyn. My friend.

He'll be laughing his ass off in heaven while his killers will burn in hell.

What do we live for?

Why do we live? Or, rather, what do we live for? Seems like an easy question to answer, really. That is, until you think about it. I mean, really think about it. 

The answer, I would imagine, varies from person to person. We all have different lives, different values, different things to deal with and different views on issues. I can’t presume to know what everyone lives for. I can only tell you what I’ve lived for and what I live for now. 

It’s not easy, finding a purpose to life. We are all creatures of society. There are things society expects from us. We are to be good, obedient children. Then we are to be good, obedient and hardworking students. Then we are to be good, obedient, hardworking workers. Then we are supposed to have kids, continue to be obedient workers and then we are supposed to die. 

Morbid, I know. But that’s what society expects from us. 

I’ve never been good at societal norms. I wanted to be, when I was a kid, what with the peer pressure and everything. You just want to be accepted, I think. That’s a huge part of human nature. We want to belong. If there are kids reading this, I want you to know, it gets better. In that, I no longer care about peer pressure. I am too old to try to be cool. To try and fit in. I can’t be bothered. And that is a good thing. Only when you let go of the expectations of other people can you fulfill your expectations to yourself. It sounds like obscure gibberish, but it is true. Let me elaborate…

You had dreams. You had aspirations. Maybe you liked doodling. Maybe you liked to daydream. Maybe you liked singing. Maybe you wrote poems. But then you forgot. You started trying to fit in with other kids. Kids who were not into these things. I had it easy because I didn’t have many friends growing up. Not really. Though, I have met people who have forgotten their inner child because people thought dreaming wasn’t cool. Being different was bad because being different wasn’t the cool thing. 

Fuck that. 

If you want to put on two different socks, put on two different socks and be proud. If you think that poem you had in your mind could be the new Beowulf, go ahead and write that motherfucker. Kick ass and take names. Be all you can be. 

Most of us have jobs, but only a few of us are lucky enough to do what we love for a living. No one dreams of being an accountant. Did you play air guitar to some kickass songs? It’s never too late to start learning guitar. Did you draw comics as a kid and make up your own characters? Do it now. Let your creativity flow. The world is at your fingertips now. Start a webcomic. I want to read your comics. I am pretty sure there are others like me who want to read them too. 

Things are going to get you down, but don’t let it keep you down. Life will punch you in the gut. It’s your choice to lay down and let life keep kicking your ass, or get up and make life your bitch. We all lose track sometimes. Sometimes we all feel lost. Without purpose. Maybe sometimes we feel like we’re a burden. But we owe it to ourselves to try and fulfill our potential, whatever that might be. Find your purpose. You will. I know you will. 

One thing I know for sure is that your happiness is not tied to someone else’s. The love of your life cheated on you? That’s not the love of your life. You’ll find that special someone. That big promotion you were waiting for went to someone else? Go somewhere where you’re appreciated. Or work harder. 

Listen, no one has it figured out. We’re all making it up as we go along. Find that thing that the inner child of yours wanted to do. Maybe that’s the key. Like I said, I don’t know. I can’t speak for anyone else, I can only speak for me. 

What do I live for?

I live for life. I love life. I love my home. I love this fucking beautiful country I live in. I love the people around me. My family, my friends. I live for them, because they love me. And I love them. I live for music, because music makes me feel things in my soul. I live for movies because they fascinate me. I live for literature because I’ve been reading since I could… well… read. Books make me think about things. Books teach me lessons. I live because I haven’t done it yet, whatever it is that I have to do in this world. I don’t know what it is yet, but I feel like I’d know when I’ve done it. I live because I want to see more of the world, meet a lot of interesting people, eat some delicious food. I live for conversations because I love conversing. I hate small talk. I love conversations. I lived because I feel like I haven’t lived yet. I’m starting to, after a long time, experience the excitement of life. 

Dare to dream. Dare to be different. Dare to be yourself, and find yourself. 

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream at night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity. The dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes to make them possible.”    -   T.E. Lawrence

2015: A Look Back

2015 was a bleak year for the most part. It was sad for a lot of reasons. It was frustrating, it was also grim. I'm not just using ominous sounding words here, these are feelings I felt throughout the course of the past year. But it was also a year that I can say, without any exaggeration, was absolutely amazingly brilliant as well. 

The year started kind of 'meh' for me, and it got worse. I was at a job that I no longer liked, and there was no room for me to grow there. I had learned all I can from there, which is not to say I didn't learn much. I learned a lot from that place and gained a lot of on the job experience. Unfortunately, I knew I had to step away and start doing new things, so I quit. No safety net. No backup plan. I jumped without a parachute.

Best decision I ever made. 

Thankfully I was lucky enough to be part of a lot of very cool projects this year. The biggest being able to take part in the making of the documentary of the rebuilding of the legendary Maldivian boat Kalhuohfummi. It was being built on a small island in the north of Maldives called H.Dh. Neykurendhoo. I got to go and stay for a while, eat homemade food, get great footage of amazing sunsets and beautiful island scenery and seascapes. I got to, for the first time in my life, see the Milky Way with my eyes. Without aid from a camera or whatever. It was a bit overwhelming, I have to admit. I felt so small and insignificant while witnessing only a part of this great grand galaxy. 

I will cherish that memory forever.

Other than the privilege of seeing a boat out of legend being built by a team of some of the most insanely talented boat builders in the Maldives, I also got to experience so many other things.

I also saw my first shooting star, which, I have to say, might be the best shooting star that was ever witnessed by any of mankind in the past or will in the future. True story. 

I've sailed in a tiny boat on a day when the sea was so calm I didn't know when the ocean ended and the sky began. Not a ripple in sight. 

I've also been on a small speedboat and there were, like, a dozen or so flying fish swimming and flying alongside it. It was majestic. They were literally a foot away from me. That was between Kulhudhuffushi and Hanimaadhoo in Haa Dhaalu Atoll.

I've reconnected with old friends and made new ones. It is always so great to meet new people who're cool. Cool people are so hard to come by. You know when you've made a friend when you can converse with them easily for hours. Conversation is something which I really enjoy. I despise small talk. 

Then, later this year, my friend wanted to make a food stall and everyone just jumped on board. No fucking questions. The World's End Tavern at Shinzou Con 2015 was, in my opinion, a huge success. Thanks in no small part to everyone who helped. Friendship is a beautiful thing. You know you're with the right people when they look out for you. A lot of my friends even came to visit the stall. It was the most fun I had had in a crowded place this year. 

There's a lot of other stuff too, but I'm not going to write everything down. Some memories are just for me. Some moments are just mine. 

The point to all this, if you're wondering, is that the only thing standing between you and being happy, is that step. That step that you are dreading to take because you're afraid things will not be the same level of comfy. I won't lie, there were times I struggled, and struggled hard. I was doubting myself sometimes.But I was lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and loved ones who believed in me, and I was doing absolutely amazing things. I would rather be poor and happy than rich and sad, any day. All that was worth it. I made so many happy memories this past year. I've been able to actually hang out more with the people I love. I've been able to learn a lot of things. I'm a more positive person, and I think it makes the world a better place when you're putting out positive vibes instead of being glum all the time. Be nice to someone and they'll be nice to someone else too.

Be happy, people. Jump.

PS. Don’t jump literally. It is a metaphor within the broader context of this post.

The Little Things

The little things in life are what makes life that much more colorful and vibrant. Sure, big things are all fine and dandy, but we all know that huge things and grand gestures are few and far in between. This is why you have to look at everything. You have to look for the little things.

What are the little things you ask? Well you might not but I'll tell you anyway.

The answer I have is vague but it is what I have. It is different for everyone. The little things in life differs from person to person but it is also the same. It may sound weird now, but hear me out. 

The way your loved ones talk to you. The little things they do for you. The way the person you love holds your hand or looks into your eyes. The light hitting grass at the right angle to make it glow a little. The movement of the clouds. The sea breeze hitting your face. The feeling of wonder when you experience something for the first time. Looking at the stars and realizing for the thousandth time just how big this universe is. 

These are just some of the few things that can be little things for some people. certainly for me. Some people are too cynical to enjoy these kinds of things. Some people don't want to. I used to be super cynical. It was okay for a while. I told myself I was a realist, but I guess I was only fooling myself. I found out how to appreciate the beauty of life when I allowed myself to see beyond the surface. 

Do I sound like a hippie? I can assure you I'm not and that I shower multiple times a day. Hear me out a bit longer.

I am a videographer. That means I look at things through the lens of a camera most of the time. I have to see things in real life and devise a way to make that thing look good on camera. Because, as you all know, seeing something and capturing something on camera is not the same thing. Try taking a picture of the moon from your phone and let me know how that goes. I started looking at things differently. I had to allow myself to see what was and what could be at the same time. 

I started seeing landscapes that were always there, but now I could see and appreciate it more, somehow. I could see a tree and see the fine details of how the light and its immediate vicinity affected it. I could see the hope in the eyes of a person. I saw this because I let go of the cynicism. I let go of the surface level materialism. At first I did it because it was my job, but then I realized this is great. I didn't have to be a cynic all the time. Sure, I could be in appropriate circumstances. I still had that side of me. It's not like I changed overnight. So I thought about this, and I have come to this conclusion. 

Do something creative.

Write. Sketch. Paint. Take pictures. Shoot videos. Play music. Just do something creative and let the world be your inspiration. I guarantee that you'll find beauty all around you. 

Write about things, describe them, explore them in words. Make up worlds in your mind and put them into words. Paint real things, paint fantastical things. Take pictures of things and places. Think about how light affect things. There's beauty to be found everywhere. 

I realize creative things are not everyone's cup of tea, but I genuinely think that everyone should at least explore that side of themselves. This is a time when people are filled with distrust and hate and all things negative. We need some things that make us happy. We have to look at the world and see at least some beauty in it. We need that to keep our souls and be human. We need humanity now more than any other time.

I don't know if this post sounds pretentious or not. It certainly wasn't my intention to sound that way, but it turned out how it turned out. Just think about it. Feed your soul. You'll come out from the other side a happier person. Don't trust me if you want but try it out. What's the harm? Take a look at the little things in life through your eyes and see. Take just a little time to ponder. Don't get lost in the machine of day to day life, spiraling down into obscurity and lose what makes you human. Stop, look, listen and ponder. 

A New Day

Writing used to be a hobby of mine. When I was a kid and was learning to read and write English, I was ecstatic. I read every storybook I could find around my house, which weren't that many, and when I had depleted that resource, I read all of the magazines and then all the textbooks I could find. These were, mind you, textbooks which belonged to my brother and these didn't have any stories to them. They were just school textbooks. They did, however have excerpts of texts from other books which then would be an exercise on comprehension. I am getting way off point here, so let me get back on track.

I used to blog a lot. Now I don't. Somewhere along the way I stopped blogging. I stopped writing. I think it's because of all the negative attention I was getting. I working in a job where I was constantly censored and got into trouble regularly over stuff I posted online, whether it be the blog, Facebook posts or even tweets. I was censored. I was reprimanded. It's a weird feeling being edited in real life. That was the cost of the paycheck, I guess.

A cost that, I finally realized, is too damn high.

So I got out of there, and have now started enjoying freedoms that I haven't for a long time. Writing freely is one of them. I have forsaken the monthly paycheck and all the strings that come attached to it. I have become the hobo. I have embraced the hobo life.

It's been a while since I have done this. I have not gone to other blog platforms such as tumblr or whatnot, because this blog, is mainly an exercise for me. This is going to be an experiment, more than anything.

Also, this won't be in the same vein as my previous blog, which was more of a persona. This blog is me. Well, more me than what was there before. I'll be talking about things I like and opinions and stuff, I guess. Looking back, I think that my previous blog was a bit too much angry. But then again, I enjoyed it at the time. People who are not me also enjoyed it. But that's not where I am right now. Right now I'm chilling out, hobo style.